The Biggest Decision of our Lives

Last Sunday I posted the following message on my facebook.

Naturally, many of my family and friends are curious just what this “huge decision” is. After consulting with both of our families, and some other trusted advisors, we have made our decision, and I can now share what the decision was about with you.

As those of you who know me best are aware, the greatest desire of my heart has always been to become a father, and Barbara, my wife, has likewise always yearned to be a mother. Unfortunately, previous medical treatments Barbara received when she was young for Lupus, make the possibilities that we will ever be able to have a child naturally incredibly slim. As a result of this, we have long since resolved ourselves that when we were ready to have a family, adoption was likely to be our only option.

A friend of ours who is pregnant is unable to keep the baby herself, and approached Barbara and Me with the proposition that she would like us to consider adopting her child.

This is a tremendous opportunity, as the adoption process is long and complicated, and a big part of that complication is the matching would-be parents with children. The prospect of someone seeking us out and choosing us in advance to be the parents of their child is a wonderful and amazing opportunity that is unlikely to ever happen again.

Naturally our hearts lept at the chance that we could become parents, but it was still a difficult decision. Were we ready to start a family? The timing is not exactly perfect, my wife was nearing the end of her first quarter back in school after many years. She was just starting on the path to get a degree in accounting, and that process would have to be put aside (or at least be put on the back burner for a while) if we chose to become parents now.

What’s more, our room-mate Mike was a factor to consider. We have relatively cramped living conditions as it is, we will have to either:

  • Move into a larger apartment that can hold a 4th member of our household.

  • Move into a house.

  • Kick Mike out of our apartment and lose the extra help in paying the rent (not to mention kicking a good friend out on the curb)

  • Try to make do with our current living conditions until we can do one of the first 2 (or Mike moves out on his own)

Of course the cost is to be concerned, both before and after the adoption process is complete. Adoption is very expensive, often costing tens of thousands of dollars. And of course, I don’t need to tell any of you who have children just how expensive they can be once you have them.

There was also our support structure, the question arose, would our parents support this decision, or would our decision to adopt, cause a distance between us and our families?

Fortunately, this last issue was a non-issue. Our parents have been extremely supportive in this. Both Barbara’s and My Parents not only say they will support us, no matter what decision we make, but they all believe that we will make good parents.

After a lot of prayer, and a lot of seeking guidance from those we love and Trust. Barbara and I have decided to go forward with adopting this child. It is going to be a long and difficult process. We need to have social workers come and do a home study to stamp a seal of approval on us as parents before the state will allow us to adopt, and that is not a cheap (nor easy) process. After that, there are the legal costs to be considered. I’m not sure at this moment how we will raise the lump sums necessary to adopt this child, but we have decided that becoming parents, and becoming the best possible parents we can be to this child, are worth the difficulties that may come with it.

I thank you all for your prayers and consideration, and ask you to keep us in your thoughts, hearts, and prayers as we proceed with this process.

I will of course keep you all posted. The next step is going up to where the mother of the baby is and witnessing her next Ultrasound appointment in a few weeks. I am very much looking forward to getting to see, what I am choosing to now refer to as “My Baby” on that ultrasound.